Skip to main content

Now What?

Eight days ago, two months after originally planned, I handed in my Research Project (my dissertation). I left university for the final time, my MA almost in the grasping distance. No plans. No nothing. Just me and my dreams. 

But all I can think is: now what?

And then my head explodes.

Metaphoric, of course.

Because according to every single piece of fiction in the world, I should know what I want to do with my life. But I don't have a clue.

Well, this is a massive lie. I do know what I want to do, but it's a pipe dream. A pipe dream that I so badly want to be a reality because I love writing so much, but I know how much work it takes and how impossible it really is.

Fiction also tells me that this will come true, but my brain tells me to be realistic. To find a job that is stable and reliable which I already have. But I just want to do something that I love and searching for endless job websites I can't find this one thing.

I can't make up my mind. But I have to think of something because after five years of education it has to mean something. Right?

This was not the position that I imagined at 18. Feeling as lost as confused as ever. I thought I would have my life together. A dream job is grasping distance and to know how I wanted to fill it. Moving out of home definitely in the picture.

But that's not what I have. I'm at home. Writing in my bedroom at my parent's house on Christmas day. Feeling so incredibly lost.

Nobody predicted 2020. It has been a year and how this has upended so many lives, and I know that I am not the only person who feels like this. And pandemic or not, I am not going to be the only one who feels like this.

So right now, I feel lost, and I don't know what's next. I hate that we are taught that we come of age at 18 and that we must know everything because it's not true. At 23, I still have no clue. 

So I'm just going to keep trying. Finding where I fit in the world. Finding out what's next. Finding out what I want to learn. Finding what I want to do now.

Even if it takes a while. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Favourite Graphic Novels & Manga of 2021

As I have read a lot of books this year, I always want to give graphic novels and manga their own celebration as they often get overlooked and do make up a lot of my reading. I also find that even though I read a lot of them, it takes a lot to convince me and make it a new favourite. So here are my best... Heartstopper Volume 4 by Alice Oseman  Like everyone on the internet, I too am a massive Heartstopper fan and Volume 4 is no different. I love the relationship of Nick and Charlie and the side characters also make the series. This one also explores the way that mental health can impact romance and it still does justice to the story and does not fall into cliches. I am eagerly anticipating the final volume but I don't want it to be over.  The Impending Blindness of Billie Scott by Zoe Thorogood One of the last graphic novels I read this year and the one that has the second amount of hype, The Impending Blindness of Billie Scott also leaves a lasting impression. I love a good Briti

Book Review: The Crossing by Manjeet Mann

  * I am reviewing this book which I was gifted for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts are my own. * Title: The Crossing Author: Manjeet Mann Publisher: Penguin  Source: NetGalley ( Bookshop UK |  Hive |  Goodreads  |  Storygraph ) Book Summary: The trailblazing new novel from the Carnegie Medal shortlisted author of Run, Rebel. Praise for Run, Rebel - a Guardian best book of 2020: A tightly crafted series of punchy, often heartbreaking narrative poems . . . Mann's brilliant, coruscating verse novel lays out the anatomy of Amber's revolution, and the tentative first flowerings of hope and change. Guardian A trailblazing new novel about two teenagers from opposite worlds; The Crossing is a profound story of hope, grief, and the very real tragedies of the refugee crisis. Natalie's world is falling apart. She's just lost her mum and her brother marches the streets of Dover full of hate and anger. Swimming is her only refuge. Sammy has fl

Book Review: The Great Godden by Meg Rossoff

   * I am reviewing this book which I was gifted for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts are my own. * Title: The Great Godden  Author: Meg Rossoff Publisher: Bloomsbury  Source: NetGalley ( Bookshop UK |  Hive |  Goodreads  |  Storygraph ) Book Summary: Everyone talks about falling in love like it’s the most miraculous, life-changing thing in the world. Something happens, they say, and you know … That’s what happened when I met Kit Godden. I looked into his eyes and I knew. Only everyone else knew too. Everyone else felt exactly the same way. This is the story of one family, one dreamy summer – the summer when everything changes. In a holiday house by the sea, our watchful narrator sees everything, including many things they shouldn’t, as their brother and sisters, parents and older cousins fill hot days with wine and games and planning a wedding. Enter two brothers – irresistible, charming, languidly sexy Kit and surly, silent Hugo. Suddenly there’s