*This was written in December and is a series of three blog posts that I am publishing together. The thoughts in these blog posts may not affect how I am feeling now and it is safe to say that I do feel mentally better than I once did.*
You think that you are going to put yourself first but you don't. These problems come before you. Because of the fact that they seem worse than you so you don't say anything. Because if you focus on someone else then you don't have to focus on you.
You know your getting worse again. You feel the same tendencies come back. You thought that they had gone but they were lying dormant waiting for your lowest moment.
You stop sleeping. Your thoughts the same as they were. No one likes. You have done badly. You're a failure. You've done wrong.
You've forgotten what to do. How to break the spell so you try your best. Do everything you can to survive.
So you just survive. You don't let everyone know how you are. So you carry on. Knowing your listening to everyone else.
But not yourself. Definitely not yourself.
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