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On Turning 23

So last year, I wrote a post called Turning 22 and about how my life was not ever-changing and that is was going to be a completely ordinary year. I wrote it. Kinda forgot about it but it took off. It still gets views now and this surprises me because it's so weird that people would find it interesting but they did.

I normally post these on my birthday. But my birthday has long since gone, it was on the 23rd of January. However, I still get a calling to write this post because of what happened a little over a year ago but because this year is different.

You see when I wrote the post last year I really thought that it was going to be an uninteresting year. I mean what really was going to happen? To me, it seemed like nothing.

I was wrong.

Like really wrong. A lot happened. I mean it didn't. My life didn't change. But my mind did. I discovered so much about myself last year and it was definitely not ordinary. I spend the majority of the summer depressed and my anxiety had got to the worse it has ever been. Hence the depression. Something that I have truly never had before. I relapsed and it was the worst.

It made me think. Like really think because the truth was that I have no idea how to control my life. I don't know what really is going to happen.

Which brings us on to this year and turning 23.

Unlike last year, I have some markers. I am going to finish university and I am going to look for a job. So as you can see these are clearly small changes.

That's the point really. In a year that nothing was meant to happen did it seems hard to predict what could happen. Like everything could change. But it might not.

It's so hard and I'm scared.

It feels so stupid to say what my life could be this year when I have no idea. Turning 23 means that I think everything is going to change and yes it might but this might be slow or fast but I have no idea.

Ageing always makes me think and this is just an insight into my weird and very confusing brain about me being scared of the future. What's new.

I'm scared and confused but I can't control what is going to happen and I have to remember that. 

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